This is me so many times, falling in love with movie stars and celebrities I see on TV, and dark handsome, bearded male models on magazine covers, and heroes in novels, and the taken ones, and anybody I can’t get my hands on in many years to come. My friends know that I am pretty much a straightforward person and if I like you, I’ll only pretend I don’t so that I get the thrill of being chased after. You know, the dates, and chocolates, and bottles of wine over good food, and sweet text messages, and phone calls in the wee hours of the morning, and- Oh, dear! Otherwise, I might as well walk up to you and say something that will give away everything I feel. Which rarely happens because, as I’ve said, I feel things for people out of reach.
My condition is livable with though, seeing as this is where all the excitement lies. Nothing beats the thrill of chasing after something you are very unlikely to get! Even if it’s just chasing after it in your mind. Or getting tips from Power of the Cat by Kara King.
Those of us who find this insane will say yes to Mr.T the moment he hits on us because why not? Isn’t it better to have half a loaf of bread than no bread at all? Is it not better to be with the man you feel nothing for than keep on dreaming of people who don’t even know your name?
Let me tell you my truth, I would rather ‘kula kwa macho’ the bread I can’t have than have the bread I have never desired and won’t eat anyway. Of what benefit is having something you will not consume? What use? Where is the value added? Si I give it away to someone who has use for it?
I don’t know how many of you are able to fake love, or how you do it, but maybe it happens where there are needs the recipient of the fake love is able to satisfy, or maybe it’s pressure to fit in and be seen as ‘having someone’. Or maybe it is because so few of us believe in the existence of true, genuine love. Or maybe we are tired, and just trying to get by.
If what I feel is genuine and excites my heart, whether it lasts a day, or a week or forever, whether you reachable or not, mine or not, I will enjoy it while it lasts.
Where is the crime?